when everything need to be justified

22/10/2009 (day 52 of 'revelation') (day 9 of 'separation') life is a journey, as if travelling one places to another.. and different places telling different stories.. sum it altogether and we have so many precious memories and examples of what life really mean to us.. encountering many people, heard their stories, shared their happiness or misery, making me think that no matter how wiser we were, much wiser we get when we learn from other people's life.. i mean, the experience is nowhere to be found unless you get to know other person and learn their experiences of how they facing each days dealing with their problems or i rather say, their 'life'.. different person bring different 'life', and different 'life' bring different experiences.. whether its an experience on dealing with love, lost-love, death, new-born, jobs, etc. accepting anything happened in life is actually not hard to do.. denying truth in life is just as same as lying to yo...

15/10/2009 (day 46 after 'revelation') (day 2 after 'separation') for the one you love the most.. when you really love somebody you tend to give him/her the best you could give. and somehow you become a person you are not or you're not suppose to be.. i mean, you become a new person to suit his/her likeness.. you'll learn new things.. and most of it are changing your life.. you become someone to be depend on, to be trusted, to be caring, to be faithfull, to be obedient, to be willing to sacrifice, to be honest, and the most important is to be the 'one' for the one you love.. its an unconditional love.. loving is a learning process.. and to be the 'one' there are so many do and don't.. and we have to admit there are times when we are not doing what is suppose to be and make mistakes along the way.. but that's love; that's life..

14/10/2009 (day 46 of 'revelation') (day 1st of 'separation') living a new chapter of my life.. every beginning is a new chapter.. the continuity will depend on how the last chapter's end.. my new 'chapter' is totally different from the past.. its almost like an 'alien' life to me.. i haven't been in this kind of chapter for nearly a decade.. i already forgot how to live.. and then even if i have been through this kind of chapter it won't be the same like what i'm living now because time moving on and people changed; maturity, how do i prepare myself to face this situation.. how do i start.. so many questions.. so much to learn.. so much to cope.. i take it as a test for myself.. a test for my love and devotion.. i'll try to live a 'regular' life.. mingling with others.. put myself into trials and temptations.. my hope for the ending of this chapter is it's a happy one.. 'cos i consider this one is quite 'dark'...

11/10/2009 (day 43) counting days from the beginning to the end of another beginning.. or just 'end'.. can't help myself from thinking of the worst-case scenario.. its inevitable.. whatever it may come.. can i live through it? i am not so sure of myself.. am i stong enough to face it? i don't think i can.. somehow i already planned for my 'stage'.. everyday, everytime, even in my sleep.. i want my 'passing' to be grandiose.. at least people remember me eventhough its not the best way to be remembered..

30/09/2009 (day 32) multitasking hi love, nice to see u again.. how are you these days living a nearly different lives with me? i know, its hard to push yourself to do multitasking.. but thats just what you are now.. and i don't blame u for it.. because loves come and go.. and i thank you that you still given me hope and strengh to face each days goes by.. i should learn from you.. i mean, 'multitasking'.. i don't mean that i'm gonna do the same thing.. i won't.. what am i trying to say to you here is life cannot be same everyday.. each days we've passed was not same as yesterday.. each day is a new chapter.. of course there will be some recurring.. bcos life moving in a cycle.. and of course we might feel repent, joyous, poignant.. but thats how life does.. this is what i learn from you.. dying is not the answer.. but dying could be the only way to escape the loop of miserable life.. as for myself, i do live in a loop.. but mostly i move in a linear way.. i...